Main Characters:
Profile: Erica Yurken
Real Name: Erica Yurken
Nicknames: Yuk, Erk, Gherkin, Yuk the Suck…and many more.
Age: 14
Lives in: Barringa East.
Has a secret crush on: Barry Hollis! Shh!
Likes: Daydreaming, Romeo and Juliet, having a good cry and Barringa East High’s sick bay (particularly because it’s right next door to the staff room!)
Dislikes: Alison Ashley. Her embarrassing family. Living in Barringa East.
Admires: William Shakespeare, Miss Belmont.
Family: Her younger sister, Jedda, is horse crazy. Her oldest sister, Valjoy is boy-crazy. And, as for her older brother, Harley, he’s just crazy altogether. Yuk’s mum is really nice, but Yuk can’t stand her truck driving boyfriend, Lennie, who’s just moved in.
Known allergies: Bee stings, dust mites, clover, horse hair, wattle pollen, Clag glue, cinnamon, and emulsifier 471 (commonly found in pop tarts).
Ambition: To be a great actress, to move away from her family to Barringa Heights, to attend Kyle Grammar…and to one day be better at something than Alison Ashley!
Profile: Alison Ashley
Name: Alison Ashley
Age: 14
Lives in: Hedge End Road, Barringa Heights.
Has a secret crush on: Who knows! Maybe Alison likes Barry Hollis?
Likes: Shopping, chocolate ice cream, sushi, fashion, travel, basketball.
Dislikes: Rainy days, the sight of blood, bushwalking, spiders.
Admires: Her teachers, and (secretly!) Yuk, for having a normal, caring family.
Family: Alison is an only child, and lives with her mum. But she runs a French restaurant in Barringa Heights and works most of the time, so they don’t get to see each other much. Alison’s dad ran off with a younger woman to live in America, and is a computer programmer in Silicon Valley.
Ambition: To go back to Kyle Grammar and forget about Barringa East High School for good!
Profile: Barry Hollis
Name: Barry Hollis.
Age: 14
Lives in: Barringa East.
Has a secret crush on: Yuk’s mum thinks Barry’s had a crush on Yuk since Primary School. But things have changed since Alison Ashley came along…so who does Barry Hollis really like?
Likes: Fire. He’s never without his handy lighter. He’s Barringa East’s resident pyromaniac. He’s also responsible for most of the graffiti you’ll see around Barringa East. The thing is, he can’t spell very well, so most of it says “Bary”. However, it IS possible that it’s all an act, and Barry’s secretly very intelligent…but he’d rather break both his legs at once than admit it, of course!
Dislikes: Teachers, school, authority figures and the local fire brigade.
Ambition: Who knows? It probably involves burning things…
Yuk’s Family:
Profile: Valjoy Yurken
Name: Her mum named her “Valjoy”, after her sisters, “Val” and “Joy”.
Occupation: Part-time student at Barringa East TAFE. She studies engineering because it’s a great way to meet boys.
Lives in: Barringa East
Likes: Talking on her mobile phone. Boys; especially the kind with beanies and really big pants. Hot pink. And then, there’s her bizarre sense of “fashion”, which includes huge hair, tight pants, animal print and way too much make-up! She also took up karate to meet boys, but her class was full of ultra-polite Asian uni students, who were all so clever she couldn’t understand a word they said!
Dislikes: Anyone who borrows her stuff without permission! You HAVE been warned!
Ambition: To become a world-famous fashion designer, of course! She also aspires to own a hot pink limousine with leopard print interior, and drive it through the Barringa East McDonald’s drive-through…just because.
Profile: Harley Yurken
Name: Harley Yurken.
Occupation: Unemployed.
Lives in: Barringa East.
Likes: Astral travel, looking after his tomato plant, and lying in his hammock pondering the mysteries of the universe.
Dislikes: Baths, being woken up before midday, bad vibes, being interrupted while meditating.
Ambition: To master the art of astral travel so he can become a secret agent and go to work without ever having to leave his hammock.
Profile: Jedda Yurken
Name: Jedda Yurken
Occupation: Student, Barringa East Primary School
Lives in: Barringa East
Likes: Horses! She likes horses SO much, she actually believes she IS a horse! Everyone said it was just a stage she was going through…but that was seven years ago! The room she shares with Yuk is set up with her bed as a stable and there’s always steeple jumps all over the floor. She wears a set of horse ears and a tail everywhere she goes…and even eats grass! She’s also a horse racing expert and gets Lennie to place bets for her.
Dislikes: Flies. And her sisters, for not taking her seriously.
Ambition: To win the Melbourne Cup.
Profile: Mum
Name: Liz Yurken…but everyone calls her Mum.
Occupation: Part-time waitress at The Happy Leprechaun.
Lives in: Barringa East
Likes: Spending time at the local club. Her family…when they’re well behaved.
Dislikes: Valjoy’s dress sense. Valjoy’s friends. Valjoy’s taste in loud music. Valjoy sneaking out of the house. Harley’s tomato plant. Harley’s unemployment. Yuk’s hypochondria. Yuk criticising Lennie. Jedda being a horse. And so on…
Ambitions: To raise her family properly (if they don’t all kill each other first) and to get married to Lennie.
Profile: Lennie Grubb
Name: Lennie Grubb.
Occupation: Truck driver.
Lives in: Barringa East. Has just moved in with Yuk’s family.
Likes: Long drives in his truck. Being around the Yurkens. They might be completely insane most of the time, but Lennie has a heart of gold and genuinely cares about all of them.
Dislikes: People who think he’s just a stupid truck driver.
Ambitions: He wants to marry Mum, as soon as he can afford to buy her a ring!
Barringa East High:
Profile: Miss Belmont
Name: Nigella Belmont
Teaches: 9c. She’s taken over mid-year from 9c’s last teacher, Mrs Gobbo, who had to leave after she had a nervous breakdown. Miss Belmont is 9c’s sixth teacher this year alone!
Likes: Chess, reading crime novels and history. And old-fashioned discipline, of course.
Dislikes: Not being allowed to use the cane any more. New technology that she doesn’t understand.
Words of advice to students: Behave. Or else.
Profile: Mr. Kennard
Name: Jeff Kennard
Teaches: Physical Education.
Likes: Playing sport. Also watching sport. And talking about sport as well. Being paid to teach sport.
Dislikes: Barringa East being banned from interschool sport competitions (thanks to Barry Hollis starting an all-in brawl with the Kyle Grammar hockey team last time they were allowed to compete. One of the Kyle Grammar boys is still on crutches).
Words of advice to students: Play fair, do the right thing and…stuff.
Profile: Miss Lattimore
Teaches: Drama and art
Likes: Horoscopes, numerology, planting trees. And chocolate.
Dislikes: Stress, negative energy, non-vegetarians.
Words of advice to students: Be proud of who you are and never let anyone put you down. Trees are our friends – they provide us with oxygen and expect nothing in return, so be kind to them.
Profile: Mrs. Orlando
Occupation: Mrs. Orlando runs the Barringa East High general office. She also looks after the school Sick Bay. She’s been at Barringa East longer than most of the teachers, so she’s seen entire generations of kids pass through Barringa East High.
Likes: Jigsaw puzzles, knitting, cryptic crosswords and lawn bowls. Peace and quiet.
Dislikes: Yuk! Mrs. Orlando is totally sick of her constant visits to the sick bay, her annoying hypochondria and her school medical file that is longer than the rest of 9c, combined!
The Rest of 9c:
Profile: Margeart Collins:
Name: Her real name Margaret, but she can’t seem to get the hang of spelling it properly.
Age: 14.
Class: 9c.
Likes: Being the subject of Barry Hollis’ “scientific experiments” (which always end up with Margeart being tied to something). Her teddy bear. The school library.
Dislikes: Nothing! Margeart’s an eternal optimist – she doesn’t seem to notice (or care) when things go wrong. Someone called her a bimbo to her face once, but she thought it was a compliment in Italian and just smiled and said thank you. Margeart’s not particularly fond of computers, which tend to stop working whenever she’s around…
Ambitions: It’s very unlikely Margeart’s thought that far ahead. Whenever anyone asks her what she wants to do when she leaves school, she replies “Go home, of course! If I didn’t, Mum’d be worried sick!”.
Profile: Chrystal and Nicole:
Ages: Both 14.
Class: 9c.
Family: No, they’re not twin sisters. Secretly, though, they fantasise that they were identical twins, separated at birth. Since their first day at Barringa East Primary, they’re the best of best friends and they’re always together.
Distinguishing features: Nicole always wears blue; Chrystal always wears pink.
Likes: Being popular. Sleepovers, ice-cream, watching Buffy until late at night, fashion, manicures…and, of course, gossip! They’re the gossip queens of Barringa East High! If there’s something going on, they’re guaranteed to the first to know all about it!
Dislikes: Homework, broken nails, bad hair days.
Ambitions: To start their very own hair and beauty salon over in Barringa Heights.
